I've read a lot of different blogs and advice from folks who have reached their goals and are in maintenance. They all actually eat...they don't starve themselves, they don't workout like crazy people. I want to get there...I want to live that life, and that's why I like to say that I'm eating the way that I want to eat for the rest of my life. I can carry that over and say that I'm living the life that I want to have for the rest of my life. I guess with that part, I'm not really there yet. Even though I've been doing this for a year, I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm still not comfortable relaxing about what I have to do yet. I know that this may never go away but I feel like I'm always running from Previously Unhealthy Jenn. I'm still worried that she'll catch me and hold me down. Because honestly, there are days when if I really let my guard down, I could certainly let her take hold. And I'm talking about those days when I'm just tired. Tired of thinking about things so much, tired of worrying about being good with my eating...I look at everyone else and I think "Why do I have to think so HARD about this? Why do I have to plan so much? Why can't I go out to dinner spontaneously and not stress about what I will be able to eat?"
This weekend, Hubby and I went out to our favorite diner for breakfast. I ordered a broccoli and cheese omelette and didn't think a thing about it...that was kind of nice. But halfway through it, I got a little anxious because all of a sudden I thought, "Holy crap...I didn't order this omelette made with egg whites or with Egg Beaters?" The reason that this was disturbing to me was because I honestly just forgot. And that is NOT like me...at all. I'm always, always trying to figure out a healthier way to eat the things I enjoy. I stressed for hours afterwards that I just can't let my guard down...I mean an omelett is like the easiest thing to order healthily. I love egg whites and Egg Beaters so it's not like I did it for taste...it's just that I plain didn't think about it and that worries me.
The fact of the matter is that right now, I can't let my guard down yet. Even after a year, I'm still not free of Previously Unhealthy Jenn. Now, obviously there are bigger things in the Universe to worry about and I'm FOREVER saying "One meal does not a bad day make." But my vision of the me that I want to be is in the very near future...and I'm not stopping til I get there. So I gotta keep on going!
Weekly loss: -1.5
Total on the challenge: 4.2 lost